Moments With Esme
by Cocoa987
Summary: Esme, while we were on your Island, we kind of- we kind of broke your bed." "10 Tips for Aruging with Parents" "Emmett, we are not adding a tower." "I hate high school. Really." Little moments of the Cullen kids with Esme. Hilarity and love ensues.
1. Breaking The Bed: Edward

****2-1-09 Update** Yes, this is still Breaking the Bed. I'm just adding oneshots of all the other Cullen 'kids' with Esme. **

**One of my BFFs inspired this while reading Breaking Dawn (she's the one who hates SM). She asked "what will Edward tell Esme?" I stared at her, imagined this, and cracked up. Enjoy!**

**Oh yeah: Am not, never have, never will be SM.**

Edward's POV

I stood outside the door to Esme and Carlisle's room nervously. I hated doing things like this. I know they trusted all of us 'kids', but every once in a while we had to confess to something. Something big. Something that everyone else probably would use as blackmail for the rest of eternity.

This was probably going to get very, very awkward. Ah, who was I kidding? It was already very, very awkward. Might as well get it over with…

_Yes? _Carlisle thought. Apparently he had heard me hesitate at the door. _I'm a bit busy._ My eyes widened perceptibly. Carlisle?? I heard a whisper, and Esme giggled girlishly. Esme giggling is never a good sign. It usually means things aren't exactly G-rated in there.

"Um…" What was _that?_ I don't say _um!_ I was brought up in proper society! Jasper must be making more nervous. I'll get him later. "Uh…" Dang it! There I go again! Teenagers must be rubbing off on me…

"Should I come back later?" I wondered out loud. _Busy __packing__. Packing, Edward. Come on in. _I sighed in relief. You think I would be used to this house after nearly a century but some things can still scar you. Luckily I hadn't walked in on them before. There's only so much a guy can handle…

I opened the door a crack. Clothes were strewn all over the room. There were clothes all over the floor, draped over lamps, and several other… interesting places. Carlisle and Esme were standing in the middle of the room with half-filled suitcases staring at each other's choices.

"Yes?" Esme asked, one eyebrow raised. My mind was racing. How to say this without getting her mad? I tried to act casual, failed, and started to stammer out my story.

The first thing that popped into my head was, "Where are you going?" Mentally I cursed. I sounded defensive. Like I had something to hide. Oh, wait: I did. Oops.

Esme regarded me curiously. "My Island. It's that month again." Of course. Once every decade, they took a month-long vacation from us. There's only so much they can take of us, too. Every other time, though, they just kick us out. Luckily, I've always been the good guy, though Emmett and Jasper have always gotten revenge.

"Before you go, I- I have to tell you something." My carefully composed speech slipped. Here we go.

Esme cocked her head. I swallowed. I knew that look. I also knew that, from the burn in my throat, I needed to go hunting again. _Dang it, there you go again, getting off topic… _Wait a second; why was I talking to myself?

_Get on with it, Edward. We have a flight to catch…_ Carlisle chided me gently.

"When we were on your Isle- Bella and I, that is- we sort of- we sort of broke your bed." The words rushed out of my traitorous mouth. From downstairs, I could hear Emmett hooting, Alice smirking, and Bella gasping. I ignored them and rushed on.

"I didn't mean to! It wasn't Bella's fault, so don't blame her." I stammered out. As Esme shot a quick look at Carlisle, the other's thoughts came crashing through my head.

_Wait to go, Eddie! Finally got a little action! _Laughed Emmett. He knew I was listening.

_Well, I've got to admit, Edward. You proved us wrong. _Jasper smirked. _Way to go._

_Yes! Alice knows all!_ Alice sang.

_Damn you, Edward. I owe Alice fifty bucks now. _Rosalie thought bitterly. I had a hard time laughing at that.

"Well, whose fault was it, than?" Esme asked. I hung my head.

"Mine." I muttered. "I'm sorry. I'll buy a new bed, if you want." I could feel Jasper send a wave of remorse my way. I clenched my fist. Stupid. This was hard enough as it was. He would get it later.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked, moving to wrap his arm around Esme. He had a knowing glint in his eye. _Go on, Edward. I want to hear this._ He chuckled mentally. I glared at him. He was laughing at me!

"Well, Bella had a bad dream one night…" I trailed off again. "A few pillows got ruined, too." The image of Bella covered in feathers popped into my head, and I had a hard time trying to look sorry for a second. I could hear Bella giggling downstairs.

"So, what happened?" Esme asked. She knew. I could tell. _Oh, Edward, really?_ were her thoughts exactly. She wanted to hear me say it out loud.

"Yeah, so, I was, um, comforting her, and, um, I got a little distracted, and , uh, uh, I-" What was wrong with me? This was so embarrassing. "Well, she kind of wanted to, and I said, and we-" Carlisle held up his hand.

"Enough. We get the picture." He said gently. There was a wicked look in his eye, and an eyebrow was raised. He had a knowing smile on his face. If I could have blushed, my face would have been as red as blood. "So, what happened to the bed?"

"The frame kind of got broken. Most of the headboard is missing." Emmett whistled through his teeth. Carlisle sighed, closed his suitcase, and walked toward the door.

"I guess I'll get the car loaded. Maybe whack Emmett on the head on the way out. You coming, dear?" He paused in the doorway. His gaze rested on me for another second and a half. Than he was gone.

"Mmm. Just a minute, hon." Esme called absent-mindedly. Than she whirled around and began circling around me slowly. I turned with her, always facing her.

"That bed was an antique! Do you know how long it took me to buy those things? That's one of my favorite pieces!" She crouched down like she was going to pounce. I winced. This wasn't going to be pleasant. _Wait a minute. Oh. __Oh._ _Nessie._

She straightened up. This was about to get even more awkward. "Did Nessie come from… you and Bella's little distraction." Okay, hugely awkward. Try talking about how your daughter came about in front of your mother. Like I said: Hugely awkward. I think I nodded. Emmett whooped. Five seconds later, there were a few noisy _whap_s and a muffled "ow."

Esme nodded sharply, than sighed. Suddenly she was just a mother again. "Alright, fine. You owe me a bed. I'm ordering one on the flight and sticking it on your tab." She closed up her suitcase.

"You're not going back there for a while. We'll talk when I get back. And when I see my new bed."

I followed her out the door like a good little son. Emmett grinned at me, Bella hid her face in Nessie's hair, and Alice said to Rosalie, "pay up." Rosalie handed over a wad of cash and glared at me.

"Thanks, mom. I'm sorry." I mumbled. Esme hugged me quickly.

"I'm glad you told me. You would have been in even more trouble if you hadn't." She paused, hesitated, and turned around to walk out the door. I saw a wicked glint in her eye. _Should I? Oh, I better._

"Oh, and Edward?" She said over her shoulder. "Thanks for keeping the destruction to just one room of the house. After we sent Rosalie and Emmett there for their honeymoon, Carlisle had to buy a whole new Isle! And with that, she was gone. The Mercedes peeled out of the driveway.

I stood in stunned silence. In unison, the whole family turned to stare at Rosalie and Emmett sitting next to each other on the floor. Rosalie returned the stare. Emmett smirked.

"Hey, yeah. Remember that, Rose?" He asked. Rosalie shook her head in amazement.

"Can't believe she brought that up again." She muttered.

Bella shook her head and hugged me. "I changed my mind. I don't want to know." she mumbled into my shirt.

"I'm not even going to ask." I said, as Emmett grabbed Rosalie and kissed her long and hard.

"Want a little reminder, Rose?" He asked between kisses. Alice, Jasper, Bella, and I glanced at each other. I covered Renesmee's eyes. With that, we all left the happy couple alone.

Later that night, with Nessie safely in bed, Bella and I sprawled out on our bed.

"So, that went well." She murmured softly. I chuckled.

"I kept thinking of the feathers." I admitted. We laughed, and promptly picked up where we left off that night not-so-long ago.

**Hope you liked! cough- read my other story Silent Song- cough. :)**

**CocoaCullen**


	2. The Closet: Alice

**Okay, enjoy the next moment with Esme. Oh: if the tips Alice gives are used in an argument and you get in trouble: Don't blame me!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is about to be kidnapped by my best friends so they can take her rights as SM and give them to me. No. Seriously.**

She would agree. I knew she would. I just had to convince her the right way.

Construction on the new house was going good. I couldn't really call it a house; it was barely larger than the main floor of Bella's old house. It was much more beautiful, though. Rosalie had finished work on the garden, and the bedroom set was arriving tomorrow. Edward had quietly pointed out some of Bella's favorite paintings and we had hung them on the wall.

The extra room we hurriedly tried to make into a nursery. We managed to get a fancy crib and rocking chair, but I can't say much about its appearance compared to the rest of the house.

There was still a large space by the bedroom that was begging to be turned into a closet. I was itching to run out and buy a bunch of clothes for Bella. I just had to convince Esme.

Esme, on the other hand, was trying to convince _me_ to make the space a larger part of their bedroom. A sort of quiet spot with a TV and stacks of DVDs, just like the Island. We had already figured they would get attached, and it seemed that we had been proven correct.

I stood outside of Esme's room uneasily. I knew that eventually she would agree, but what would I have to do to get her on my side?  
I knocked hesitantly on the door. I used to barge right in, relying on my visions to keep me from witnessing anything that wasn't strictly PG, but thanks to the baby, I couldn't see a thing. I didn't want to see Esme and Carlisle doing anything that I didn't really want to see. Just the thought of it made me shudder.

"Come in, Alice." Esme called softly. How did she _do_ that? It kind of creeped me out, until I realized that I pretty much do the same thing with my visions.

"I want to talk to you about the renovations," I said as I slipped through the door. Esme was sitting on the corner of her bed, gazing at me.

"I think they're going well. Now that we finally got Emmett to lay off on his building plans, I think that we should have it ready just in time for her birthday. I ordered the TV for the bedroom. I think you'll like it." My heart sank. She was pretty firm in her decision, but I would just have to change that.

"Yeah, that'll be good." I agreed. Tip 1 when arguing with parents: It's always good to agree with them first. "But… Where is Bella going to put all of her clothes?" Tip 2: When arguing with moms, use fashion sense. With dads: talk about sports. Then you're basically covered.

"She's got a dresser. And that little closet area we mapped out. She should be good. She isn't as into as fashion as you are, Alice," she reminded me gently. "She doesn't have very many clothes." I cringed. _That_ was the part where she was wrong.

"Yeah… about that…" I trailed off uncertainly. Esme glared at me.

"You bought her clothes? She doesn't really need to worry about her fashion sense, Alice, when she's trying not to _kill people._" Oh, great. Always be careful around Esme when she gets sarcastic. Which leads me to tip number 3: When parents get sarcastic, back off. Fast.

"I didn't mean to, Esme." I was whining. I hated whining. Tip 4: Do whatever you have to to get your parents back under control. Even if it means whining.

"I was just goofing around. My head was killing me, so I went upstairs and was looking at clothes. I have a few things coming for me, so I wanted to look for things for Bella. It was all in fun. I swear! I was picking things out and putting it in the shopping cart. Just for fun. I wanted to see what the total was. You know how Bella hates it when we spend too much on her."

You know, I didn't really get that. What kind of girl _doesn't _want people spending money on her? I know that I would never _not_ want someone spending money on me. That's why I'm glad I have Jasper. He puts up with it- for the most part. When he gets sick of it, he and Emmett just ship Rosalie and me to Paris for a week or two. Now _that_ is fun.

"Anyway, I was looking at clothes, and putting them in the shopping cart. Than, I just clicked to check out. I just wanted to see what everything would cost, with shipping and all. I swear, Esme. I didn't mean to buy _all _of it. Just a couple of things for her birthday." Tip 5: Birthday presents are always a good thing.

Esme stared at me for a long while. "How much?" Aw, great.

"Just a- just a couple hundred dollars." I closed my eyes. No way of telling how this was going to turn out.

"Can't you return it?" It sounded like she sighed. There was no way I was looking at her to make sure. I shook my head.

"No return policy. The stuff is great, Esme. She'll like it. I promise." She would like it. At least, some of the stuff. Maybe not that pink satin dress, though. That wasn't something she'd normally wear. But boy, was it cute.

"Fine. I expect you to pay it all back, though. Out of your _own_ money this time. I'm not paying for your things for a while, I don't think." She paused, a calculating expression on her face. "No, probably not for a long while." I sighed in relief. Now back to business.

"Thanks, Esme. But that still leaves my first question: Where are we going to put it all?" Tip 6: Do try to get back to the original question. _Without_ making her mad all over again.

"Are you sure you can't get rid of it? Any of it?" Esme persisted. I paused. I _did_ want that one dress, and that other shirt, but this might not be the time to bring it up.

"I'm sure Rosalie and I could take a couple of the things, but most of it is for her. Can't we just make the closet a bit bigger?" I pleaded. Through the fog caused by the baby's presence, I saw the vision of the larger closet slowly become more focused. She was wavering.

"But I already got the TV." She was pouting. Pouting! Esme, the mother of our house, was POUTING!!

"Don't Emmett and Rosalie want a new TV? It's almost Emmett's birthday, after all." I hinted. Emmett did want a new TV. Something about football, I think…

"Well…" Come on, come on. I bit my lip to keep from screaming. Tip 7: Don't rush a parent on the big decision. It might ruin your chances of making it happen.

"What if we make the room a bit wider, to make it seem more open, like the island? Than the rest can be the closet. It wouldn't be that big, just about half the space left!" I suggested. Tip 8: God, I know it sounds cliché, but _COMPROMISE. _It honestly works from time to time.

"Fine. Give Bella only the bare minimum of those clothes, all right? I want to see boxes ready to go to Goodwill by the time this is all over, okay?" I grinned. I was totally going to drop a bunch of them down by the river. Buzzy would be so happy. I could tell Bella that the clothes were going to a good cause; they were heating the homeless. **[1]**

"Yes! Thank you thank you _thank you_ Esme!! It doesn't really matter to you, does it?" I asked, suddenly worried. I didn't want to hurt Esme's feelings; I just really wanted Bella to have her closet. Which leads me to tip number 9: Parents don't really mind as long as it's not dangerous and it makes their kids happy.

"I just don't see how Bella would enjoy the closet as much as you would, but go ahead. Make sure to leave some space for Edward's clothes, and for the actual bedroom, Alice," Esme said seriously. I knew her too well, though. I could see the amused glint in her eyes. I ran up and hugged her. My 10th and final tip for arguing with parents: Let them know that you love them, even when things don't work out your way.

I trotted out of the room, already making plans to change around the floor plan to fit the closet when I was hit with a vision. It wasn't fogged up, so I tuned in and enjoyed it.

As I continued to watch, I became horrified. "No. No, no, no! NOOOO!!!!" I ran down the stairs and jumped in my yellow Porsche. Jasper followed me outside. I had no time to pay attention to him.

"What is it?" Jasper was terrified. It suddenly dawned on me that everyone might think that there was danger. Oh. oh well!

"They're almost out of Gucci purses!" I wailed as I tore out of the driveway. I heard a sigh, a chorus of "Alice" throughout the house, and then I drove off in search of the purse.

Alice's Tips for Arguing with Parents:

1. It's always good to agree with them first.

Tip 2: When arguing with moms, use fashion sense. With dads: talk about sports. Then you're basically covered.

3: When parents get sarcastic, back off. Fast.

Tip 4: Do whatever you have to to get your parents back under control. Even if it means whining.

Tip 5: Birthday presents are always a good thing.

Tip 6: Do try to get back to the original question. _Without_ making her mad all over again.

Tip 7: Don't rush a parent on the big decision. It might ruin your chances of making it happen.

8._ COMPROMISE!!!!_

Number 9: Parents don't really mind as long as it's not dangerous and it makes their kids happy.

10: Let them know that you love them, even when things don't work out your way.

**Again, if these tips get you in trouble, blame Alice.  
[1] If you haven't already, go. Read Cullen Family Therapy by vjgm. Funniest. Fanfiction. Ever.  
K, that's it. Next up: Emmett!!  
"Emmett, we are not building a tower."**


	3. Cottage Construction Catastrophe: Emmett

**Okay, this is Emmett's chapter. I'll only say this; after this, don't expect an update for a while. Can you say homework? On with the show, than!**

I gazed at the old dilapidated hut. It was tiny. It was quaint. It was _boring_. It needed to be bigger. Much bigger, with a tower. Yeah. A tower would be cool. Maybe some columns. I always liked the columns. They made a house look awesome. I think the house in Maine had columns. Or was that Canada?

Back at the house, Esme and Alice were making plans to transform this little shack-like thing into an actual house-like thing.

I couldn't believe it was still standing. Wasn't it built in the 1870s or something? It was really old. Like, older than me. And that _is_ old.

I stared at the hut again. I couldn't see why Esme liked it so much. We had the big house, and then _this_ little thing. What was the point? Why were we even rebuilding this… thing? Edward and Bella didn't need a house. I mean, sure. Rosie and I got a house. But that was after Carlisle and Esme had put up with us for about a decade. Really, this house should be Alice and Jasper's. They haven't had a house yet.

Esme walked up behind me, distracting me from my mental ranting. "It's nice, isn't it?" She said with a small smile. "So charming. Something out of a fairy tale." She murmured. I snorted. Fairy tale. Yeah, like the little old lady who lived in a suckish-shack-type place. Or was that a shoe?

"Yeah. Fairy tale. Sure." Rosalie walked up on my other side. She stared at the house in disbelief. I smiled. At least _she_ agreed with me.

"It would probably be worth more as scrap," she observed. I tilted my head to look at the shack from another angle. Yep. Still looked like a shack. "Do you want Emmett and me to do a bit of damage?" I smirked at her. She raised her eyebrow at me.

Esme (unfortunately) picked up on our trail of thought. "You are not destroying this house. I _like _this house. You've already destroyed a house. I'm not getting you two another one."

"Come on, Esme." I pleaded. "It's so boring! Can't we do something interesting with it? Like, turn it into a paintball arena? Seriously: everyone loves paintballing!" Rosalie glared at me.

"Paintballing?" She hissed at me. I shrugged. I loved paintballing. That one time Jasper and I went paintballing- that was fun!

"Emmett. We are not turning the cottage into a paintball arena." I sighed. Yeah, it would be cool. It just probably wouldn't be too useful. A second idea struck me, and I perked up.

"What about a tower? Bella always struck me as the type who pictures herself as a princess. A damsel in distress, you know? Edward always has to save her. It's a metaphor!" I grinned. I loved when I had everything figured out before everyone else. Which was rare; Edward usually plucked it out of my head and took the credit for himself.

"Emmett, we are not building a tower. Bella doesn't like towers. Rosalie likes towers. Bella hates fancy things. The only reason she accepted that stereo on her eighteenth birthday is because it was already installed in her car." I smiled briefly at the memory. That was fun-until things went drastically wrong from there.

"Esme, what about the baby? We need to make the shac- _cottage?-_ the place bigger for it. It'll have to have its own room. Maybe it'll want a tower." Rosalie shook her head.

"Emmett. Give it up. She's not going to add a tower." She sneered. Her eyes gave away her true feelings.

Rosalie liked towers. I remembered that house. God, that rocked. Nonstop partying- until the tower broke down. Yeah, it probably wasn't such a good idea to be up there.

"Rose, babe, you can go check up on Bella now. I can handle this." I suggested. She raised an eyebrow at me but obliged.

As she brushed passed me, she hissed, "You know it's never going to work."

"Shut up. I really want another tower," I replied under my breath. She rolled her eyes but I caught the flicker of a smile in the fraction of a second before she passed by. With her gone, I turned my attention back to Esme.

"Esme. Come on. Please?" I whined. "I want Bella to like it. I want her to be happy, especially since-" I didn't have to say anything else. It already seemed like I had said to much.

"Emmett," Esme sighed, shaking her head. "You have thirty seconds to give me as many of your ideas as you can. After that I'm not listening to anything else." As I opened my mouth to start, she placed a finger on my chest. "Things _Bella _would like. Not Rosalie." She reminded me gently. "Go."

Taken aback, I began slowly. "Okay, um, columns! Stone columns! And, and paintings! Lots of paintings. Bella likes that one painting of the apple, up by Edward's bedroom, right? And, um- no, no paintball- but, Bella likes- the wood floors, and the windows, and- oh, screw it." I stuttered to a halt a good three seconds before the time was up.

I narrowed my eyes at Esme. She tried unsuccessfully to suppress her giggles. "Aw, come on, Esme." I groaned. "She does like that one painting." I had finally figured out that I was basically re-describing the house.

"Sorry, Emmett. Just the look on your face-" She broke off into very un-momlike giggles once again. I scowled at her.

"Okay. You've had your laugh. Now stop." Esme's face slowly went back to what Jasper and I secretly called the 'Mom Look'.

"You've had your chance for ideas. I'll take a couple into consideration and get back to you. Be back here tomorrow morning at eight. I'll have the blueprints and the materials for you and Jasper. Be ready to work." She told me with a perfectly straight face.

Well. This sucked. She had given me absolutely no hints. I couldn't even ask Edward. It was partly his gift, after all. So, with nothing else to do, I trudged up to find Rosalie. Being with her still rocked- even without that awesome tower.

The next morning I was at the 'construction site' at 7:59:52. A whole eight seconds early. I was pretty proud of myself. Jasper was only three seconds behind me. I bounced impatiently on the balls of my feet for a second or two, before I figured out how stupid I looked. Jasper, meanwhile, was cracking up. Stupid empath.

While I gave Jasper the finger, Esme showed up. She glared at me for the gesture, than spread the blueprints out on a nice flattish rock.

"Okay, boys. Get to work." She called as she walked back toward the house. I glanced at the blueprints, than did a double take. Just to make sure, I looked at the blueprints again. Then I whooped. There were two words across the bottom of the blueprints. 'Emmett- columns'.

With that, I got straight to work. Bella was going to love this. Why? Because you gotta love those columns.

**Alright: I'm going to need ideas. I have absolutely no idea what to do for Bella and Nessie. Nessie will be a bonus chapter. As for Bella? I've got nothing. So, any ideas that you have, let me know!**

**One more thing: I know this is going to sound like begging, but go read my other story, Silent Song. It's a tad deeper than this. To be honest, the first few chapters aren't that good, but the rest is really good. Please...?  
So... do you think we can get to fifty reviews with this?**

**Cocoa :)**

**P.S. Oh!! One more thing! I have a poll! You should go vote!**


	4. Sssshh: supersecret story

**6/25/10. This used to be an author's note...but I felt like replacing it, because EVERYONE HATES AUTHOR'S NOTES.**

**That being said...I don't have much of an excuse for this. I was really REALLY BORED. But anyway.**

**Warning: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ESME. SHE DOESN'T EVEN SHOW UP.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all.**

Edward found Bella inconsolable out in the backyard, staring at the small memorial she had constructed hastily after he had died.

"It-it's been a year today," she whispered brokenly, eyes fixed on the small cross they had found to create some sort of tribute for him. Edward wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry we couldn't go to the actual grave," he told her softly.

"It's not that far away," she said angrily, wrenching herself from his arms.

"It's too far, especially traveling in sunny weather. Besides, we were just out there and you know how difficult it is to make arrangements," he reasoned gently. She sighed heavily, and Edward pulled her back into his arms.

"It's not fair," she whimpered. "He was too young to die."

"I know," he agreed. "Life isn't fair. But still, Bella. It's been a whole year. Don't you think he would want you to move on?" She turned on him, furious.

"How can I just move on?" she cried angrily. "He was there for me, Edward. Even when you weren't. When you left," Edward looked away and she felt a pang of guilt for bringing it up but pressed on regardless. "When you left, he was there for me. All the time. Even when I thought I didn't need him. He made me happy." Bella bit her lip and was fiercly glad that vampires couldn't cry, because otherwise she'd be bawling by now.

"I am sorry, Bella." His arms went around her again, and this time she didn't fight it. "He was a good person. He didn't deserve the way people treated him."

"Mom?" Nessie joined her parents at the memorial, staring at the ground sadly. "It's the anniversary, isn't it?" Bella nodded, and leaned down to hug her daughter.

"You would have loved him so much," she informed her daughter. "You probably won't remember him, not the way I did, but he was such an amazing person." Renesmee nodded solemnly.

"I remember his voice," she admitted softly. "I remember people talking about him. I wish I had been able to actually know him." Bella smiled sadly and hugged Nessie close once more.

"What's going on back here?" Jacob walked out the back door and joined the little group in front of the memorial. "Hey, that's Michael Jackson!" His eyes went wide as he stared at Bella, everything coming together at once. "Today isn't- has it really been a whole year?" Bella nodded, face still half-pressed into Nessie's shoulder. Jacob's face crumpled.

"I can't believe he died!"

"I know! I miss him so much!" Bella cried, something brighter in her voice now that she had finally found someone who understood her pain.

"With the moonwalk-"

"And Thriller-"

"Jackson 5-"

"My mom once took me to Neverland Ranch-"

"I saw his house in Indiana-" Bella's mouth snapped shut as she stared at Jacob in awe.

"Really?" He nodded.

"Yeah. I still know all the moves from Thriller." He turned and waved toward one of the bedrooms. The familiar sound of a door creaking echoed through the back yard, and Jacob turned and grinned. "I thought it might cheer you up." He started dancing wildly, while Bella clapped and attempted (mostly unsuccessfully) to follow his movements.

Edward and Nessie stared awkwardly. "I'll never understand the phenomenon that is Michael Jackson. The King of Pop indeed."

"Daddy- who was Michael Jackson?" Edward looked down at his daughter in shock. The music cut off, and Bella and Jacob both stared at the smaller girl in front of them.

"You don't know who Michael Jackson is!" The statement came from all directions simultaneously. Bella and Jacob immediately turned the music back on in an attempt to educate their music-deprived friend. Edward sighed. Nessie went off in search of Emmett, who lately seemed like the sanest person around.

"Nessie- all you need to know about Michael Jackson was that before he was alive and black and now he's dead and white…"

THE END.

**What can I say...THIS IS THRILLER, THRILLER NIIIIIGHT.**

**In memory of Michael Jackson. 1958-2009.**

**Cocoa =D**


	5. High School: Jasper

**Disclaimer: NOT MINE**

**Okay, 3 things. I think. **

**1) This chapter is dedicated to Daddy's Little Cannibal, who was killed in a drunk driving accident on May 8th. Rest in Peace, Stephanie. **

**2) I have huge super important news. Look on profile and email me if you have questions. Do. But read this first.**

**3) I have an idea for Bella. Thank you for whoever suggested doing a talk about Nessie and Jake between her and Esme. Ideas for Rosalie and Nessie ARE NEEDED!!!**

**This will definitely be my last update until June. Nothing else to say but enjoy, review, and have a great Memorial Day!**

I burst out of the high school, taking a long, deep breath. It wasn't good enough. Just the thought of the building filled with humans was almost enough to make me turn back and let myself- but no. I couldn't think like that. I was different now.

As I took another deep breath, I heard Alice behind me. She put an arm around my waist and buried her face into my shoulder. "You're okay," she breathed. "You're out now."

When I finally managed to steady myself, I pulled Alice around in front of me.

"Sorry." I managed. Alice grinned, her golden eyes flashing.

"You're new to this. It'll take time. I guess you weren't quite ready. Go home." Behind me the bell rang, and bodies moved. I cringed. Alice kissed me on the cheek.

"Go. I'll call Esme and tell her to take you hunting. I'll be home the minute we can get out of here, okay? I'll let the others know." I nodded, my body tensed. Alice watched me.

"Go, Jazzy. Love you." She finally got the smile she was looking for as I trotted to the end of the parking lot. I heard her thumbing the buttons on the pay phone as I started to run.

I raced home, barely breathing in the hopes that I could manage to get home without doing something stupid.

Esme met me outside the house. As a reflex I checked her emotions: calm, confident- disappointed? Was she disappointed in me?

"Morning, Jasper. Didn't go so well?" She asked me. I grinned. Esme had a habit of understating things.

"Yes m'm. Not so great. Can we go hunt now?" I asked with as much patience as I could muster. My throat was aching with the thought of all those people just a few miles away.

Esme's face changed to one of worry. "Of course. Let's go." She turned and ran, and I followed her, taking long breaths of the clean air.

We hunted until I felt full, but the burning was only muted. I sighed. Esme smiled sadly. "It takes some getting used to, doesn't it?" I hung my head.

"Yes m'm."

Esme looked at me in mock solemnity. "Jasper. You're family now. I'm Esme. Or Mom. Either works. No more of this 'ma'm.' It makes me feel old. I'm not that much older than you." I grinned despite myself.

"Yes m'm." She turned and stared at me, one eyebrow raised.

"Was that meant to be funny?" She was upset. What had I done?

"No m'm." She threw her arms up into the air as I realized what I had called her. "I mean Esme. Sorry." Esme shook her head and grinned.

"Now. Tell me about your day." I sat down on the grass, running a hand through my hair as I considered where to begin.

"Where do I start?" I asked myself.

"Try starting at the beginning," Esme said, sitting down opposite me. I took a deep breath to organize my thoughts, when a thought occurred to me.

"We lost?" Esme tilted her head, a question in her eyes. "The Confederacy. We lost?" Understanding dawned on her, and she bit back a smile.

"The Confederacy was defeated not long after you were changed. To put it simply, yes, they lost." I stared at her, not being able to comprehend. How the _hell_ could we lose?

"Slavery isn't good, Jasper. It's not right." Esme told me. I belatedly realized I had made the last comment out loud. "Now, from the beginning."

"Oh. Right. Gym class. Do you know how hard it is to look like you're running fast, but are really going slow? Does that even make sense? Edward and Rosalie make it look so easy, when I'm just trying to stay on the same lap!" I was going to hate gym. Stuck in those stupid locker rooms, than forced to run in circles until everyone – except for us- was exhausted.

"You'll figure it out. You're smart." Esme told me. "We'll practice. You've got to get the motion down, so it looks like you're trying." Oh, that was another thing.

"How long have you been collecting homework?" Emmett so far hadn't lifted a finger. He always had the right assignment. Esme nodded with a knowing smile.

"A while. We always toss for who gets the finished things. Emmett and Rosalie won this year." I groaned.

"It's so easy. I have to make myself sound uneducated. I hate it." Esme was nodding.

"Edward doesn't like it, either. He takes college courses through the mail. I'll get you signed up for some." She paused for a second. "On second thought, do you just want to do high school like that for a while? I could have a go at homeschooling." I was torn.

"Would you?" I asked finally. "I'm starting to get there, really. It's just-"

"Whatever it takes. We'll go on field trips. We'll get you used to this on your own terms. We did the same for Rosalie and Emmett, and we'll do the same for whoever comes along next." I sighed in relief.

"Thank you, Esme." Esme patted my shoulder.

"It's no trouble. Now, what happened after gym?" I shuddered.

"My world history teacher was having…fantasies about me. And Edward. Together. It was horrifying." I whispered, shuddering at the memory. Esme winced in sympathy.

"And then was Spanish, I think. That's one class that's a waste." I smirked. I had been speaking Spanish longer than that man had been alive.

"Maybe you could teach us some," Esme suggested shyly. I stared at her. She was sincere. It wasn't one of those petty comments people made when they had nothing to say.

"It's not hard," I told her. She ducked her head.

"It's one of those languages that everyone will be using in the future. It might be good to know." I considered that. It was true- lots of people spoke Spanish or some version of it.

"Next was English. Nothing all that interesting there. We're reading something by Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet, maybe?" Esme nodded.

"Good book. Shakespeare is excellent." I shrugged.

"Maybe Carlisle will help me out. There's a lot of 'thee', 'dost' and all that really weird language in there. Why did people _talk_ like that?" Esme laughed.

"Languages change, Jasper. It's a part of life." I considered that.

"It still sounds weird. Anyway, that was about the time that I left. I couldn't deal anymore." I leaned back and put my hands behind me, staring up at the sky.

"Ready to go home?" Esme asked, getting to her feet. I jumped up and straightened my shirt. For once, it wasn't completely torn apart. Esme noticed.

"You're getting better," she commented. "Now come on. It's almost time for the others to be home." With that, we both ran, heading back home, where Alice would tell me about her day at school.


	6. The Cullen Cussing Jar: Nessie

**I know it's been forever. Let's just say I've had some technical difficulties. I alway lose my stupid zip drive...**

**This chapter is dedicated to F8WUZL8, for the amazing idea that got me inspired to get off my lazy butt and write this! Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own. Anything. Not even the purple sparkly gel pen. **

Let me start by saying I was _not _having a good day. It had been one of those weeks where it was just one bad day after another.

I sprinted up the walk, pounded up the stairs, and promptly tripped across the doorway. Mama was constantly telling me that I was becoming more and more like her. I wasn't sure it was a good thing. Especially seeing as she only told me that when I was nursing a new injury.

Carlisle called it my 'awkward phase'. Daddy would at least attempt to catch me, the way he always had to do for Mama. My uncles were no help at all; they would laugh and laugh and laugh until something else distracted them. Rosalie had taken to carrying around a ring of shiny keys to dangle in front of them while I made my escape. She and Alice were definitely my favorite people that week: Alice reassured me I would be over it by next Thursday.

I landed on the floor with a _thump_, biting my tongue hard. Instead of hauling myself up, I reacquainted myself with Esme's latest welcome mat. It was purple. It was fluffy. It set off the whiteness of the rest of the house quite nicely.

There was a perfectly logical explanation as to why we had a purple welcome mat. We weren't getting a red one because we already _had _a red one. (And you thought I was going to bring something up about the color of blood.) We couldn't get orange because then we would be going in rainbow order, and that would just be lame. No yellow, because everyone (except Alice) hates yellow. No green, in respect to Mama. I didn't know the story, but when I suggested green, Daddy rolled his eyes and said "it's too _green." _I didn't ask.

Anyway, we didn't go with blue, as there was only one plain boring shade. No brown or black; the first didn't match, the second Emmett deemed 'too emo'. So we ended up with purple.

When the boys started to complain, Rosalie reminded them that purple signified royalty. That shut them up pretty quickly.

Except for Emmett, of course. He dug out some old purple clothes he kept from the sixties, made a paper crown, and wandered off to the elementary school. There, he paraded around telling second-graders that he was 'King Emmett', and charging them to use the slide.

Rosalie shut that down pretty fast.

I returned my attention to the mat. It was nice, but it was already showing signs of use. Mud, grass, faded spots, blood. _Blood?_

I sat up, a hand flying to my face. My lip was bleeding. And I could hear a car pulling up the driveway.

I swore and jumped up, nearly falling over again. I kept up a steady stream of choice words coming as I hunted for the bleach. Esme's confused face appeared just as I banged my head on a cupboard door and let loose a phrase that would make a sailor blush.

"Don't come in, Esme!" I hollered, sucking on my lip and ignoring the ache I now had on my forehead. Of course, Esme ingored me.

"What's going- oh." She said, following my stare to the ground. "I'll take care of it. Go clean up."

"Thanks, Esme." I mumbled. She smiled and headed toward the laundry room as I ran upstairs to wash up.

When I came back down, Esme was sitting on the couch waiting for me. I sat cross-legged on the other end of the couch.

"I tripped. I forgot that step up-"

"I know. It got Bella at least twice a week." I giggled, but Esme didn't lose the serious expression. "Where did you learn that kind of language?" So _that_ was what this was about.

I took a deep breath and began. "Mama, Daddy, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett." I said in a sing-song voice. When Esme's stare of death didn't let up, I suddenly felt the need to clarify. "Mostly Emmett. Hardly ever Daddy."

She raised an eyebrow, and I kept talking, mostly just to fill the silence. "Oh, yeah, and Jake. Oh, and that one kid Tyler Go-" Esme took pity and cut me off there. *

"Enough. I don't want to hear it again." She told me. I hung my head.

"Sorry for cussing, Esme." A thought occurred to me, and I hopped of the couch in search of a jar.

"Esme, do we have a big clear bucket anywhere?" I called. A few minutes and some muffled thumps from the garage later, Esme met me in the kitchen. I taped my sign (written in sparkly purple gel pen) to the side and admired my handiwork.

THER CULLEN CUSSING JAR.

No using any obscene four-letter words, (or any that have more or less than four letters), No derogatory terms, and nothing that would offend polite company. 

Penalty: a nickel per term used.

Money goes to Esme and Carlisle for home repairs.

I heard Esme's quiet chuckle behind me, and turned around with a grin. "What?"

"First, that's very smart. Second, it's very sweet donating the money to home repairs- goodness knows it'll come in handy. Third- well, I just can't wait until the others see this."

Mama and Daddy arrived first, with everyone else piling in after them.

Alice came right toward me and swept me up into a giggling hug. "My niece the genius!" she declared. I laughed and hugged her, then Mama and Daddy.

Daddy was chuckling, and Mama shook her head ruefully. "This is what I get for getting Renee to teach me all those Yiddish swear words.**

Carlisle walked in, took one look at the Cussing Jar, and smiled. It was my favorite kind of smile, the kind that he always tries to hide but fails miserably. I hugged Carlisle, and I felt his shoulders shaking before he finally let his deep rumbling laugh fill the kitchen.

Soon nearly everyone was laughing. It was one of those things where nothing is truly hilarious but then you just can't stop laughing.

And then in walked Emmett and Jake. Jasper raised an eyebrow at the unlikely pair. "Hey, dog." Esme waved a finger at him.

"That's a nickel, Jasper." Jasper put his hands up as if to question.

"It's _true, _Esme. He is a dog." She rolled her eyes and pointed to the jar. Jasper glared but dropped a coin in the jar.

Emmett stared at the jar. He looked from the jar, to Esme, to Jasper, back to Esme, then to me. His eyes widened. "You- you? You!"

"Me."

"Why?" He asked, throwing his hands up into the air.

"Because Esme got cranky when I started using some of the things you taught me." I smirked at him as his mouth dropped open.

"I don't know whether to be proud or disgusted." He said at last. I smiled innocently at him.

"How'd your shirt get ruined, Em?" Carlisle asked. He watched with one eyebrow raised as Emmett and his bloody shirt flopped onto the pristine white couch.

"Feisty bear- oh, oh, oh sh-" Emmett had noticed the now-bloody couch. He had also begun one of his colorful tirades before shutting his mouth and apparently thinking his expletives furiously.

I quickly added one more line to my little sign. Thanks to the services of our very own mind-reading Edward Cullen, swear words being thought also count.

Daddy grinned, and Emmett's eyes bugged. He covered his mouth, then rapidly began smacking himself on the head. I smirked, and Daddy began tallying up the penalties.

When Emmett looked like he was done, Daddy showed the figure first to Esme.

"Well, that should just about cover the damages." She commented mildly. Next Emmett saw the figure. His mouth dropped open, and Edward added five more cents to the total.

"Pay up."

"Shit."

**You know the drill, all. Read, Review, ect. Next chapter will probably be Bella, means I have a pretty good idea for her. **

*** I honestly do know this kid named Tyler. He's tough, he's mean, and he's one of those people you expect to see on America's Most Wanted in a few years. **

**** One of my friends used to joke about learning a bunch of swear words in Yiddish so she could swear at people without them knowing what she meant. =D**

**Cocoa =D**


	7. Temper Tantrum Trauma: Rosalie

**Oh look: an update! :D I won't bother you with reasons I was gone, 'cuz I'm sure none of you care. I'll just give you Rosalie's shot at stardom….or something like that.**

**Minor warning: some Edward and Bella bashing. Don't like, too bad. **

**Disclaimer: Really? Not mine.**

**Chapter dedicated to Belle95, who was quite possibly my first ever reviewer, and still is reading my stuff today. Kudos to you, Belle!**

I stood in the doorway, unable to comprehend exactly what Edward was getting at here. He stood scarcely two feet away, his arms crossed and his face absolutely resolute.

"You-you can't be serious," I spluttered. His jaw went even tighter then it was before- if that was even possible.

"I'm dead serious," he said patiently. "Excuse the pun, of course." I glared at him.

"Edward- but it's- she's a_ human_, Edward. There's no way it'll ever work." I protested. Edward sighed.

"Don't you think I've already thought of that? Rosalie- I think I love her," he admitted. My jaw dropped.

Could he seriously be serious? This absolutely positively could _not_ be happening. He was in love? This _wasn't possible._ This was _Edward_, the one who was never going to find anyone. This was the person that Emmett privately thought might 'swing the other way' or 'be a little rainbow'- although he was careful never to be in hearing range when he made those comments.

Edward smiled to himself. "I love her," he said quietly. "I think I really love her." Something inside me snapped, and then I was inches away from his face, screaming at him.

"Well, fine then! Go ahead, be around her, and ruin _everything_! When you kill her, or when she figures it out, don't you _dare_ say I didn't warn you! When we have to move again, and ruin Carlisle's reputation, and- and- why her, Edward? Why Bella? You're ruining _everything_!" I spat, before spinning on my heel and storming up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door, crashing onto the bed, and screaming my heart out into the nearest pillow.

After a long few minutes, when screaming no longer helped, I replayed the last few moments. Had I just thrown a hissy fit? Maybe, I mused. I hadn't thrown a tantrum in a while. Maybe I was due. Maybe it was just Edward's fault. I decided to go with the latter and whipped my pillow at the door.

At that exact second the door opened and Esme got a pillow to the face at a good fifty miles an hour. She stood there for a second, blinking at me. After a long moment, words finally came to her. "Ow," she said, pressing a hand to her forehead dramatically. I smiled despite myself, and Esme returned the smile. "Mind if I come in?"

I patted the bed beside me and Esme daintily took a seat. "Do you want to explain what that was all about?" She asked, taking a brush from my nightstand and running it once or twice through her hair.

"It's- I just- I just snapped," I admitted sheepishly. "Sorry, Mom." Esme chuckled and shifted to sit behind me, running the brush through my hair. I sighed in contentment. I loved it when Esme did things with my hair. The skillfull way her fingers moved always made me feel more comfortable.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked, running the brush through my hair. I shrugged.

"I don't know where to start," I said.

"Start at the beginning," she suggested. "Then go into the middle. Stop after the end." I giggled and leaned backward, bumping into her gently.

"You know what I mean!" I said, straightening back up so she could keep combing.

"I know, I know," Esme said patronizingly. "Now, let's make a deal. I'll brush and you talk."

"Deal," I said immediately. I closed my eyes and thought a second before starting.

"Edward thinks he's in love," I said, then gasped as Esme ripped through a particularly rough patch.

"Sorry. Did he really say that?"

"Yep," I sighed. "He thinks it's real love. With a _human,_ Esme!" Esme made a comforting noise and continued combing through my hair, parting it to one side.

"Human or not, if he thinks it's love, it may very well be. Edward doesn't take these things lightly." Esme said calmly. I sighed in exasperation and spun around to face her.

"He's not going to be able to resist! He's going to kill her, and then we're going to have to move, and I _like_ it here, Esme! I want to get through the full year and graduate for once! We're so close!" I moaned. Esme stared at me for a solid minute before comprehension dawned and a smile began creeping across her face.

"You're jealous, aren't you?" I stared at her in utter disbelief.

"Why would _I_ be jealous of _her?_ I'm much better than her- well, you know it's true. You've seen how she dresses- and I have the best husband I could dream of and I-" Esme's right eyebrow had crept higher and higher during this impromptu speech and I sighed in defeat. "Okay, maybe I'm jealous. What does she have that-"

"That you don't?" Esme finished. I nodded glumly. "Rose, it's Edward's decision who he loves and who he doesn't...oh. _Oh._" Esme pulled me into a hug. "So _that's _what you're upset about." I nodded, burying my face in Esme's shoulder and muttering some choice words about Edward, his choices, and certain parts of his anatomy.

"Rosalie, you know he loves you like a sister. And you've got Emmett. You wouldn't trade that for anything, now would you?" Esme said comfortingly. I nodded again and glared.

"Why are you always so logical?" I said in mock anger. Esme shrugged.

"I've lived with five teenagers for the past thirty years. Someone had to be logical or things would be chaos."

"It's chaos anyway," I pointed out. Esme conceded the point with a nod. "But thanks anyway. The lack of logicalness was starting to get to me."

"Now, are we okay?" Esme asked me. I nodded, only hesitating for a second. Esme smiled and hugged me again.

"I know things look bad right now. We'll figure it out- we always do," she reminded me. I nodded into her shoulder awkwardly.

"Yeah," I said quietly. We broke apart just as I heard the front door open- Emmett, Carlisle, and Jasper were back from their quick trip. Alice was god-knows-where, probably off shopping.

"Rosalieee!" Nope, apparently Alice had caught up with the boys. Said black-haired girl practically flew up the stairs and leaped onto my bed, landing next to Esme and me with a muffled thump. She shook her head, as if unsettled by her less-than-perfect landing, and then smiled sympathetically at me.

"Edward's an idiot," she informed me, skipping any pretense of conversation and getting straight to her point. Esme raised an eyebrow, and Alice hurried to elaborate. "Not about music or history or anything academic- although he does have other methods for getting information like that…" she trailed off, muttering something I couldn't quite catch about 'mind reading' 'stupid' and 'no understanding of privacy'. Esme's eyebrows raised just a bit higher, and Alice decided it was time to make her point.

"Anyway… I'm sorry, Rose," she said, reaching around Esme and pulling me into a quick hug. "Edward isn't the most tactful on a good day, and his social skills are somewhat lacking. I think it's from not bothering to keep up with the times. Except when it comes to music…" it looked like she was about to trail off again, but she shook her head to clear it and smiled cheekily at me. "He'll figure it out soon enough- if not, we can always get revenge." I finally grinned at that, and pulled my sister and my mom into one more hug.

Emmett found us all like this, and sat down next to Esme, looking at us a little strangely. "Is this a girl-only thing or do I get in on the hug?" He asked finally. Esme smiled and reached back, pulling him into the hug.

I smiled and snuggled closer into Emmett's arm. "I love you guys," I said quietly, closing my eyes happily. This was my family- no matter how obnoxious, idiotic, and stupid they were sometimes. I would forgive Edward- eventually. And maybe I'd give this Bella girl a chance. If it made Edward happy, I guess I could live with it.

Something smashed downstairs, and Jasper hissed under his breath. Esme's eyes flew open, and she was off my bed in an instant, racing out the door. "That better not have been my new lamp!" she called, thundering down the steps. Alice sat perfectly still for a second, then sighed dramatically and followed Esme.

"Better go save Jazzy," she said, disappearing around the corner gracefully. Emmett sighed, and kissed me on the cheek.

"You okay?" he asked me. I nodded, a smile starting to make its way across my face.

"I will be. I'll be even better if you kiss me again." Emmett grinned, spinning me around to face him.

"That can be arranged." And then his lips were on mine. I melted into him, even as shrieks arose from downstairs- someone was getting chewed out. I grinned into Emmett's kiss, happy once more.

This was my family, crazy and wonderful as it was. I wouldn't have it any other way.

**Did you enjoy? If you did/didn't/want a cookie, press that nice little green button down below. It won't bite, I promise.**

**Believe it or not, I actually have part of Bella's story written somewhere. I've just got to find it…and finish it… heehee. **

**Is anyone interested in Jacob having a moment with our favorite vampire-mom?**

**And one more random question- What movie can you absolutely not wait to see that's coming out in theaters in the next few months?**

**Until next time,**

**Cocoa =D**


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